So some of you may or may not know this but I ended up not actually leaving for the World Race in October. The reason being that the week before I was supposed to leave the country I became very sick. I had been struggling with stomach issues for about 2 months and finally decided to go see the doctors about it. I went to the doctors they did many tests and procedures, and they weren’t really sure what I was sick with but they all advised me not to leave the country. The night I received this news was two days before I was supposed to fly to Atlanta to meet up with my squad before launch. After discussing my options with my mother and God I decided to stay home and allow myself the time to get healthy. That was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make in a while but throughout it all I could feel that it was the right decisions. God had given me so much peace about the situation.
I stayed sick for many weeks and continued to go to different doctors and many more tests and procedures later the doctors decided I needed my gallbladder removed. Which is where I am now. About two weeks ago I had my gallbladder removed and I seem to be on the mend. Praise the Lord!
So you may be asking why did it take so long for this blog post to come up…and honestly I don’t have an answer for you. I meant to write one the week I was supposed to launch to let people know that I wasn’t launching. But by then we still didn’t have a complete answer for what was wrong with me. So then I just kept saying I would wait until I have a diagnosis and a solution. But that didn’t come until weeks later. So here we are 8 weeks later and I still haven’t made a blog post about it or even told social media. The only people who know I didn’t launch are my close friends and family (or if you figured it out through my posts on social media). And I think one of those reasons is because I didn’t want to accept it. Like maybe if I didn’t say anything then it wouldn’t be true. Or I didn’t want to admit defeat to myself or to those of you who have supported me in my journey. I was so excited to leave and then within a week it wasn’t going to happen. Then I felt really bad for 6 weeks so majority of my efforts was concentrated on getting healthy…which was slightly fun because I was able to live at home rent free, and sit on the couch for 6 weeks and catch up on all of my tv shows (the rest of it wasn’t fun because I didn’t feel good). But now that I have a diagnosis and am slightly feeling better, and I have sort of figured out what I am doing with my future it almost seems too late to make a blog post.
But I really did want to write this… to show myself that even in my darkest times of despair God is still there. It has been a very emotional few months. From physically not feeling well, to emotionally and spiritually struggling. I decided to title this blog “Trusting Jesus even when ____ “ because for me the blank was all of these things that I wanted that I thought were apart of Gods plan that ended up getting taken from me. And then trying to figure out why God is allowing this to happen and how to meet God in the middle of my despair. And I can’t say if I have come out on the other side because there is still a lot for me to figure out but I would like to think that what little I have understood about God in this time is huge.
The decision to leave for the Race was such a fast one for me. I applied and within a month was at Training Camp. I found out exactly a week before TC that I was accepted! So I think the quickness of everything made not leaving an even wiser decision. Now I have time for the things I need to do before I leave instead of trying to scramble together everything at the last minute.
Originally I was going to have to miss my best friend’s wedding, my parents were going to move, and my brother and sister-in-law were going to have a baby… all while I was away. Which I had come to terms with and was completely accepting having to miss. But since I didn’t launch in October I know get to meet my niece when she is born, help my parents move, and I was able to attend my best friend’s wedding! During this time, I also decided to reach out for some biblical counseling to help me process everything that has happened. All of this combined has just shown me how important staying was for me.
Learning again and again to trust that God’s plan for my life is far greater than what I have planned. Learning not to plan in the first place because then God can’t throw it out the window. Understanding that God is perfect in his timing even if I don’t see it quite yet. Learning to trust God even when you don’t understand or even when it hurts. Because again in the end what God has planned for me is far great than what I have planned and when the timing is right God will show it to me.
So now what…what is the next step for me? Well as of right now I am going to take the Christmas holiday and winter break to continue to get healthy to make sure the surgery worked and teach my body how to work without a gallbladder, while I continue to live with my parents. Then once the new year starts, I will really start looking for a job and a place to live. But then come August leave for the World Race. Yes, you heard that right I am still going to leave, just a year later. After some prayer and consideration, I decided to launch in August of 2017! I will be on route 3 going to Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria, Malaysia, Thailand, Laos, Lesotho, South Africa, Madagascar, Jamaica, and Dominican Republic! I am excited and have already been in contact with my new squad and love them so much already and I won’t even get to meet them until June!
So if you have any questions for me or just want to reach out and talk do not hesitate to do so. I would love to hear from you all! Or if you would like to donate to my Race you can do so on this blog. Just go to the donate button up top. I will continue to update this blog as more information comes in. Love you all and thank you so much for your support up to this point and beyond!
